Finally Exposed! The Biggest 7 LIES Of The School Playground!

Lots of things are said in the School yard, but be careful fellow knowledge seeker, for not all is as it seems!

1.  If your hand is bigger than your face then you have cancer

A staple lie that is nothing more than the opening gambit in a devastating stratagem to push your hand into your unsuspecting face. Not only is there no scientific consensus behind the hypothesis, it also results in countless squashed noses world wide. Not cool!

2. There is a man in Taiwan who lives in a cave saying ‘Bless you’ constantly for everyone so you don’t need to say it. He is UN funded.

Fair play to this one, it has it all, a setting that is hard to falsify, extra details about funding to preempt questions, and a noble cause that makes you want to believe it is true. Why is he in a Cave? For the echoes of course to maximise bpms (Blesses Per Minute, his main KPI) There is no such man! Do not be lulled into following your heart and believing this! Sneezing people still need your blessing!

3. The Frosties Kid had to move schools because he was bullied

We all remember that famous Advert, “They’re gonna taste Great! They’re gonna taste Great! The sound of Frosties hitting your plate!” The story goes that he was bullied so much he had to move schools and then when he arrived at his new school everyone (Does this include teachers? if so that’s pretty dark) threw Frosties at him and shouted ‘They’re gonna taste greattt”

4. The Frosties Kid died choking on a Frostie

The untruths surrounding this Kid swirl around him like a cloak of misinformation, masking his true actions in hoax and hearsay. In the ruthless rumour market that is the School playground only the most shocking survive. The Frosties Kid dying from choking on a Frostie is about as attention grabbing as it gets. Did one person seed this lie or did it spring up nationwide as the natural progression in falsehood escalation? Regardless this in one ‘fact’ that you should call out next time you hear it.

5. If you eat 7 Bananas in one day you will die of Potassium Overdose

7. The critical number, not a mass, not volume but a number. Regardless of the size, density, type, if you eat 7 then call your Mortician for death will be your next destination. You will start by feeling extreme fatigue, followed by muscle spasms, cramping and then an irregular heartbeat. As you force the 5th and 6th Bananas down your throat you body is barely functioning. Your skin takes on a yellow hue and its bond with the internal tissues begins to break down as it peels away. Banana number 7 is the last one you will ever eat (they only have plantain in the afterlife). While well intentioned, this is simply not true! The number that will kill you is 12. (4 pounds 13 Oz for North American Readers)

6. Poverty exists because of individual failings, not the failings of society

It is much easier to attribute your own success down your individual ability, rather than luck of birth and circumstance. It provides a sense of entitlement to your wealth, and an excuse not to aid those in need. The Lie that people are only poor because they are lazy, unaspirational or stupid, reduces empathy towards them and allows vicious cuts to the services that millions depend on.

7. The Frosties Kid had a Terminal Cancer and his last wish was to be in a Frosties Advert

The advert that just kept giving. A carefully crafty rebound rumour designed to make everyone who believed the previous ones feel bad. The truth was that the Frosties Kid moved to South Africa and became an Olympic athlete.

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